1) IF IT TAKES ONE MORE CLICK TO DO SOMETHING THEN IT TOOK IN THE LAST VERSION OF YOUR SOFTWARE IT’S BROKEN
2) IF YOUR SOFTWARE CHANGES MODES TO CHANGE SETTINGS, OR VIEW HELP FILES IT’S BROKEN.
3) YES I’M YELLING.
4) THE USER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Archive for the 'ffej’s laws' Category
I just had it out with a dear friend, who has blocked their cell phone’s caller ID. They’ve been calling me for weeks trying to get me to fix their computer, but I never called them back. They Never Left A Message. So to avert further catastrophes, let me explain how I answer the phone.
If you call me from a number that isn’t in my address book, I let it go to voice mail. I get too many calls for that child actress and I’m tired of arguing with kids. Skype, Gizmo calling card and other voip users, this means you-the number the call IDs as isn’t always yours, even if you have an account, so leave a message.
If you call me from a phone with blocked caller ID, I let it go to voicemail. If you dont’ leave a message, I Can’t Call You Back, because i have no way of knowing you called in the first place. If you call, don’t leave a message, and take your Mac to Geek Squad and they kill it, I’m sorry, but I can’t read minds.
If you call me from a number that ID’s as 555-xxxx or 111-xxxx, I let it go to voicemail. Yes, my phone usually ID’s as one of those numbers, when it’s nod IDing as Rupert Murdock, my mother or Paris Hilton, and yes, I don’t always leave a message. When I don’t, it’s not important. And I’m always aware as to what my phone IDs as, since I set it manually.
Finally, please don’t send me text messages. They cost me way too much, and while your “just sending one because it’s important” everyone else is to. And none of you are paying my cell phone bill…
FFEJ’s Laws: the size of shoulder bags and backpacks is inversely related to the overall economic condition. Ie, as the economy tanks, the bags get bigger.
I formulated this law 20 years ago, in the recession after the market crashed. Back when it was the economy, stupid. I noticed all my friends, even the hardcore hipsters were suddenly carrying backpacks or shoulder bags. I figured it was because you wanted as much stuff with you as possible, so you didn’t have to waste time or money running home. Most of the people I knew were also carrying bag lunches to cut costs. Almost everyone was carrying spare clothes or light jackets. This was also when America started carrying water bottles. The average backpack size was around 2000 cubic inches (manufacturers numbers, someday I’ll write up a post on how manufacturers lie about size).
Back then I moved from a rummage sale Leica safari bag (with the strap that my grandmother had sewed back on after it came off) to a Domke camera bag and a medium sized shoulder bag alternating with a 2500 ci. Jansport backpack. I was toting film cameras and and one of my two portable computers each weighing over 10 pounds. But then I always travelled heavier then my friends.
As the 90s progressed, the economy boomed, and the packs and shoulder bags got smaller and lighter. Gone were the 1600-1000 denier cordura, replaced by polyester and nylon ripstop. sizes dropped to about 1400 ci. I migrated to various smaller trade show swag shoulder bags.
The next explosion in bag size was the messenger bag explosion that coincided with the bubble bursting in 2000. Backpacks followed in size, if not materials. The messenger bags of this period were 100 denier ballistic nylon or Cordura. I moved first to an 2500 ci. Eddie Bauer backpack that disintegrated, then to a 2000 ci. Timbuktu messenger bag I still love, but my back hates.
Finally, almost exactly coincident with the onset of the recession 2 years ago, bags and packs went back to the supposed 2500 ci. size, and I began see more and more people carrying a backpack and a shoulder bag. I migrated to 3000+ ci. military backpacks with satellite shoulder bags.
I’ve mentioned this law to various friends over the years, and been snickered at. But one of the people I’ve laid the law on is now a true believer. They went and bought a 2500 ci. pack on my recommendation, and have been raving about it for a month now. On top of which, they went and bought me the 3100 ci. version of the pack as a thank you. I’m having coffee with them right now, and while they insist on anonymity, I think a public announcement is in order. So, Illinois Backpack Bandit, you join the ranks of this site’s supporters. I and my back thank you!
Now stop kicking me under the table, ok?
The Network is the Operating System.
The Network fucntions as a object oriented operating system wherein individual personal computers workstations and servers function as programming objects, alternating roles as data or commands. For you Lit majors, think of it as a conversation in which the sentences are built from subjects and verbs that may not be local, and might move around. Your computer might be the subject in one sentence, and the verb in the next. Compare to Gage’s Law (The Network is The Computer).
Pate’s Law: the web is a bad yearbook. (Natalie Pate)
Your kids are are going to laugh their asses off when they google you…
THE WEB IS EXTREMELY BROAD, AND NOT VERY DEEP, EXCEPT IN AREAS THAT BORE THE PAINT OFF OF MOST PEOPLE.
Case in point: prog rock. There’s a website devoted exclusively to Italian prog rock. Now if I only still had my Gobllin LP’s…
